How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
