the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Randomize
