The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
