my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
