it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
