Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
