I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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