I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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