the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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