Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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