as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
