The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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