I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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