do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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