I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
