I will die if light touches me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize