She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
