did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
