I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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