awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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