I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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