my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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