I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Houston, we have a squirter
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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