As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
