I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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