I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
