YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
