I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
