Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
