On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
