there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
