I CAN MOONWALK!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
