hell yes lets make some ravioli
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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