I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
