halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
