Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
