Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
