I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
