the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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