So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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