i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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