Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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