just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
