I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
how drunk are you?
Several
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
