i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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