Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
