Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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