we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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