I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How external is "for external use only"?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
