hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
