i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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