Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
