i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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