I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The power of my boobs compel you
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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