4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
