I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
PANTIES FOUND
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
