i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
