The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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