Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i drank out of a bidet.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
