you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
